Charles David Longfellow was a very good man. He was one of the best. He'd made his fortune in land management. He really knew what he was doing, that guy. No-one could manage land like Charles David Longfellow, so he had this mansion. You should have seen it. It was really something. I mean it was no Trump Tower, but it was - you know - it was in the running. I mean if you saw where he lived, you'd really appreciate that the guy was a great businessman and entrepreneur, you know what I'm saying? He'd worked hard at his land management so it was true that he deserved it. That was why he lived in such a great place. It was the envy of his neighbours, although of course - you know - it was all part of an estate so they were miles away. There was the village too, but that wasn't so near either.
Anyway, on this one night there was a knock at his door. It was a great door, like Downton Abbey. It was that sort of door. He opened the door and saw a couple of gypsies. I mean I don't know if they were gypsies but they kind of looked that way. They aren't clean people and they don't take good care of themselves. I guess Charles David Longfellow must have had a few butlers around that place so maybe it was one of them who opened the door. It's like when people try to talk to me about how it feels to drive a Rolls Royce. I tell them to just get out, you know? That's what I tell them. I know how the back seat of a Rolls Royce feels. It's been a long time since I had to do any driving. I don't know if we're allowed to call them gypsies any more, but that's who they were.
'We are tired and hungry,' one of them said, so I guess they were on welfare and had probably spent it all on moonshine or whatever it is those people drink. They had blown it again so I guess one said to the other, let's go ask that rich guy to give us stuff for free. I think that must be what happened. This guy had children you know, a family. He had heirs to his fortune. So these two were trying to take food from his table, taking food from the mouths of his children. You can't really blame him for being a little upset about that. I mean there was a solution, because the younger gypsy was a girl, and you know she wasn't bad looking. Charles David Longfellow was an entrepreneur, like I said. He was a man who saw opportunities, and we need people like him. They're what makes this a great country to live in. He saw a chance for this gypsy girl to pay her way - you know, he looked at the problem and saw a solution, but these were the kind of people who want something for nothing.
'I can't help you,' he said to them. 'I can't help you.' If the girl wasn't going to play ball, I mean what else could he have told them. The old one, I guess she was the mother, said he would be cursed because he hadn't just given up the shirt off his back and the food from his children's mouths. He hadn't just caved in to their demands so they cursed him and walked off into the night, maybe to some Antifa meeting or something like that, some beatnik club or whatever.
He couldn't take it seriously, this curse. I mean it was bullshit, right? Who ever heard of such a thing?
Next evening as he looked out across all of his land - he had to do a double take. He had to rub his eyes. He saw this legion of ghostly figures aglow in the distance, like lost souls maybe. He thought about what the gypsy woman had said, although to be fair, that was the first time he'd thought about her so-called curse since she had said it. He was a busy man. He didn't get to be where he was by lounging around all day. He'd spent the day doing deals, you know? Anyway, he thought about the curse now as these glowing figures came towards him across the grounds of the estate. Maybe they were going to take his soul down to the depths of hell where he would be punished for entrepreneurial vision and keeping his own Goddamn family fed. Maybe that's what they were going to do.
Then Charles David Longfellow began to laugh. He'd realised his mistake. These weren't lost souls. Are you crazy? It wasn't nothing like that. The white robes and the pointed hoods made them look kind of freaky now that the sun had gone down, but these were just a regular bunch of guys, after all, just citizens going about their rightful business, looking out for each other as we all should. Maybe they had found one of the coloureds causing trouble and were fixing to set it right, something like that. Maybe that's what they were about that night.
Charles David Longfellow sighed. It was a real bitch that things should sometimes come to this, but he knew there was some good in everyone. There were some fine people on both sides of the issue. He had coloured friends, of course. Why wouldn't he? You can't accuse him of that.
Anyway, the point is that it wasn't no gypsy bullshit, and that's how the story ends. It was a pretty great story, I'm sure you'll agree.
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