Friday, 8 February 2013

Zygon, Go Home!



Symond Lawes' vivid portrayal of Skinhead Troublemaker Number Two first graced our television screens back in 1988 when the BBC broadcast Silver Nemesis, the Doctor Who adventure featuring the adventures of that mysterious traveller in time and space known only as the Doctor. Symond's troubled and violent character left a great impression for all that he appeared on our screens for less than a minute, but it was crucially a minute during which the shaven-headed white supremacist was taught a hard lesson by that mysterious traveller in time and space known only as the Doctor; and now - thanks to Big Finish productions - his saga continues in a brand new series of full cast audio plays sure to delight both fans of that mysterious traveller in time and space known only as the Doctor and those who quake with terror at the prospect of ever having to endure any cultural experience which doesn't have a Doctor Who logo printed on the cover.

Older and if not wiser, then at least not quite so racist as before - or at least racist but in a slightly different way - Martin Foster wages a one man war against the forces of evil, and those who would take the piss out of the planet of his birth. Having defeated the Machiavellian designs of a Zionist Silurian lesbian wholefood workshop intent on securing government grants for paedophiles, Martin's crusade continues as a family of Zygons move into his street, playing their loud Zygon music at all hours, stinking the place up with that horrible shit they laughingly call food, and generally refusing to assimilate on the grounds that they haven't got time because they're too busy taking orders from Karl Marx - at least that's what it sounded like they said, although Martin can't be sure, never having learned to speak Zygon monkey language. It's not that he minds them coming down here and taking our jobs - having renounced his BNP membership for that of the altogether more reasonable and not even remotely racist Common Sense Party founded by bright orange daytime talk show host Horst Wei├čermann - but anyway, it's not even about race, it's about preserving our culture innit. If that makes him a racist, well maybe it does, or maybe you could try thinking for yourself instead of just believing what your homosexual communist paymasters in the European Union want you to believe, you mug!

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